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Since I don't use cyclonedds, I can't speak to any solution there. But I can say a bit about fastdds.

1. You'll likely have to use a fastdds profile configuration (https://fast-dds.docs.eprosima.com/en/latest/fastdds/xml_configuration/xml_configuration.html). I'd look into setting up initial peers each computer. This may help with the discovery thing. Since multicast is only used in dds participant discovery, you can get around multicast problems by doing that step manually with the initial peers list. Once participants have been set-up, then they'll handle the endpoint discovery step themselves.
2. DDS was never intended to work over wireless networks. I'd recommend using something like the zenoh dds bridge to go over the wireless network. It works by converting dds topics/messages to zenoh and vice-versa. Many of the competitors in the indi autonomous challenge did this: https://zenoh.io/blog/2021-09-28-iac-experiences-from-the-trenches/